I would never have guessed that exercise would become an important part of my life. Something that I crave and enjoy. I always enjoyed getting out and going for a bit of a walk .... if I could get out of bed early enough that people would not see me. However, it is not something that I would smile when completing or even crave for when I had not done it for the day.
Last night I couldn't sleep. I was tossing and turning and for the life of me I could not drift away to the depths of slumber land. I knew that I had had a full day of doing bits and pieces around the place. The time was rather late - near midnight. And yet here I was staring at the wall trying to count sheep til I drifted off. A radical, scary and totally unusual thought then drifted over me: "Perhaps the reason why I can't sleep is cause I haven't done any exercise today" What the...... !?!?!?!? Since when have I ever thought about how much exercise I have done in a day and how it effects the rest of my day and night?? I have to admit that I was a little (ok a lot) shocked of my own thoughts however I guess that could be a reason. I have very little trouble sleeping at the moment and it could be due to the fact that I am exercising nearly every day. Who would have thought that exercise would become such an important part of my life. Who would have thought.
Onwards and downwards.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Time has passed.
Wow it has been ages since I have put fingers to the keyboard and typed in a blog for my weight loss. It is not because I have been going off the rails and dropping the bundle, I guess there is nothing much to report. Life is going along nicely at the moment.
My weight is going down slowly but surely. I have a wonderful week and then a not so good one. I am loving the gym and continue to go at least 3 times a week - something that is very strange for me. I am getting more and more into exercise which is like a speaking a foreign language on a regular basis. I am taking in more interests at the moment and it is enjoyable to see my life expanding and taking on new roles and interests that I would never have thought of 4 years ago. I have a doctors appointment in a couple of weeks and although I don't think I will do as well as the last couple of times, I am positive that I can keep going and make the goals I have set for myself.
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There are obvious bonuses of losing weight - clothes getting too big for you, people noticing and giving you compliments that sort of thing. For me it is my skin. I will always have 13 year old skin. You know the one where the blemishes are a plenty and you can see the oil patches a mile away. Well for me one of the best things about losing weight and eating decently is that the skin seems to be a little under control. Ahh yes I still have the blackheads that make life a misery, however the outbreaks are slowly but surely getting under control. I know that the water is a definite help but the eating of decent food most of the time is a help.
Onward and downwards.
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What is it about Easter chocolate?!?!?!?
My weight is going down slowly but surely. I have a wonderful week and then a not so good one. I am loving the gym and continue to go at least 3 times a week - something that is very strange for me. I am getting more and more into exercise which is like a speaking a foreign language on a regular basis. I am taking in more interests at the moment and it is enjoyable to see my life expanding and taking on new roles and interests that I would never have thought of 4 years ago. I have a doctors appointment in a couple of weeks and although I don't think I will do as well as the last couple of times, I am positive that I can keep going and make the goals I have set for myself.
------------------------------
There are obvious bonuses of losing weight - clothes getting too big for you, people noticing and giving you compliments that sort of thing. For me it is my skin. I will always have 13 year old skin. You know the one where the blemishes are a plenty and you can see the oil patches a mile away. Well for me one of the best things about losing weight and eating decently is that the skin seems to be a little under control. Ahh yes I still have the blackheads that make life a misery, however the outbreaks are slowly but surely getting under control. I know that the water is a definite help but the eating of decent food most of the time is a help.
Onward and downwards.
------------------------------------------
What is it about Easter chocolate?!?!?!?
Monday, March 3, 2008
2nd Month Weigh In.
Well I have just returned from the doctors and the new is all good. I have been working hard over the past couple of weeks to set and attain goals and it was good to see a goal ticked off yet again.
I lost another 5kg last month. Total 10kg in 2 months.
I have to admit that I am pretty stoked. It took a lot to go back to the doctor at the start of the year knowing how much I had put on. However, 2 months down the track and I seem to be going along nicely. This month has had its ups and downs however I have weathered through them and come out smiling on the other end - another sign that perhaps this time I will conquer this weight loss battle.
Onwards and downwards.
I lost another 5kg last month. Total 10kg in 2 months.
I have to admit that I am pretty stoked. It took a lot to go back to the doctor at the start of the year knowing how much I had put on. However, 2 months down the track and I seem to be going along nicely. This month has had its ups and downs however I have weathered through them and come out smiling on the other end - another sign that perhaps this time I will conquer this weight loss battle.
Onwards and downwards.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Funk gone
Well I have seemed to have gotten over my funk. It hung around for a couple of days like a bad smell however I am now thinking a little more positively about things. I am not sure how I will go for my second official weigh in on Monday however I am ready to tackle the upcoming month again. I have camp next week so that should be interesting considering the amount of exercise I will be getting during the day. The food should be quite good - nothing junk to munch on so hopefully I will have a successful week once again.
I was actually rather proud of myself yesterday (these moment of proudness are starting to get a bit of a habit actually). I got abused by a parent yesterday and managed to stay on track and not emotion eat - once again. I am not sure if I am too scared of turning up on Monday without a decent weight loss or the desire to lose weight is over running the desire to eat when I am stressed. Whichever way I am happy with it!!! Bring on change! Wheel it down the hill and let it come through my front door. Even tonight, after coming home to find my front window smashed thanks to a careless mower man, I am just having one drink and have had a decent dinner. I can't go to the gym tomorrow (have to wait around for the window man) however I will even things up a little by going for a walk tomorrow afternoon. I will get through the weekend just fine and will have a weight loss to prove it on Monday - I just know it.
On another note to share is my weight loss bracelet. When I first started this journey I decided to reward myself for the decisions and accomplishments that I made along the way. Something that I could look back on and smile at the thoughts of the little bits I did. I wanted one of those Italian charm bracelets so started one. I spent the first part of my weight loss journey rewarding myself with a charm and managed to get a nice little bracelet happening. Like lots of things in this journey I managed to lose sight of it and put it on the back burner. I have been pulling it out of late and wearing it a little and have taken the step of updating it. I have to admit having that on my arm a lot of the time it reminds me of the goals I have and helps me to keep on track a little. Whenever I get the urge to eat out the wrong stuff I look at it and think about the whole thing and where I want to go. Whatever works I keep telling myself.
Will update after Monday doctor visit.
Onwards and downwards.
I was actually rather proud of myself yesterday (these moment of proudness are starting to get a bit of a habit actually). I got abused by a parent yesterday and managed to stay on track and not emotion eat - once again. I am not sure if I am too scared of turning up on Monday without a decent weight loss or the desire to lose weight is over running the desire to eat when I am stressed. Whichever way I am happy with it!!! Bring on change! Wheel it down the hill and let it come through my front door. Even tonight, after coming home to find my front window smashed thanks to a careless mower man, I am just having one drink and have had a decent dinner. I can't go to the gym tomorrow (have to wait around for the window man) however I will even things up a little by going for a walk tomorrow afternoon. I will get through the weekend just fine and will have a weight loss to prove it on Monday - I just know it.
On another note to share is my weight loss bracelet. When I first started this journey I decided to reward myself for the decisions and accomplishments that I made along the way. Something that I could look back on and smile at the thoughts of the little bits I did. I wanted one of those Italian charm bracelets so started one. I spent the first part of my weight loss journey rewarding myself with a charm and managed to get a nice little bracelet happening. Like lots of things in this journey I managed to lose sight of it and put it on the back burner. I have been pulling it out of late and wearing it a little and have taken the step of updating it. I have to admit having that on my arm a lot of the time it reminds me of the goals I have and helps me to keep on track a little. Whenever I get the urge to eat out the wrong stuff I look at it and think about the whole thing and where I want to go. Whatever works I keep telling myself.
Will update after Monday doctor visit.
Onwards and downwards.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Dreams
Dreams and hopes are the things that are suppose to keep you going - they are the things to help you strive for a way of life that is better or nicer than the reality that you are facing. What happens when you don't believe in them anymore. What happens when you have not had a dream or hope happen to you in so long that you no longer believe they are worth it.
For years now I have had 2 major dreams and hopes in my life. That I would lose this weight and that I would find someone to share my life with. Four years later after doing something very drastic to help me achieve one, if not two of my dreams, there doesn't seem to be much difference in my life. Yes I am about 50kg lighter, yes I can fit into better clothes however nothing else has changed much.
Are dreams or hopes worth it? Is it a practical thing to have them in the back of your mind and think about them late at night or during those quiet times? Being used by a good friend, struggling with my weight loss slowing down and seeing the many couples around me make me question whether it is worth having hopes and dreams. If they don't come true then the sense of disappointment and worthlessness seem to seep into your every move. What does it take to believe that your inner dreams will come true? How do you dig down deep enough to believe and hope in something when at every turn you make, it doesn't happen? When will one of my hopes or dreams come true - what do I have to do?
Onwards and downwards seem so f*cking hard !!!!
For years now I have had 2 major dreams and hopes in my life. That I would lose this weight and that I would find someone to share my life with. Four years later after doing something very drastic to help me achieve one, if not two of my dreams, there doesn't seem to be much difference in my life. Yes I am about 50kg lighter, yes I can fit into better clothes however nothing else has changed much.
Are dreams or hopes worth it? Is it a practical thing to have them in the back of your mind and think about them late at night or during those quiet times? Being used by a good friend, struggling with my weight loss slowing down and seeing the many couples around me make me question whether it is worth having hopes and dreams. If they don't come true then the sense of disappointment and worthlessness seem to seep into your every move. What does it take to believe that your inner dreams will come true? How do you dig down deep enough to believe and hope in something when at every turn you make, it doesn't happen? When will one of my hopes or dreams come true - what do I have to do?
Onwards and downwards seem so f*cking hard !!!!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Weekend not weak end.
A couple of days ago I posted about how the weekend was my weak end - how I tend to forget about the routine and put on weight over a Saturday and Sunday. I was determined that I would not put on weight during a week end period. Well it didn't happen that weekend however it did this one.
There seems to be a shift in my thinking of late. Things that I have been determined to do for years seem to be conquered - not easily - but conquered. The emotional eating was one and now having a bit of discipline over the week end. Last weekend (after saying no to emotional eating) I was determined that this would be the first weekend that I would not put on weight. I went to the gym on Saturday morning, planned what I was going to do for the rest of the day and also planned what I was going to eat. I knew I had a busy day out and about so I had a think about what I was going to eat. I planned in a treat for myself (a milkshake) and over the day I kept to that plan. On Saturday night I went out with a friend for dinner (that was not part of the plan) but kept to a stir fry and water. Sunday I planned the day again adding in another treat and went about the day.
Thus when I got onto the scales this morning I got a pleasant surprise - 1.5kg down. Very nice indeed!!! You know what - it was easier than I thought. Like the emotional eating thing on Friday night, it was a matter of making a choice and then sticking to it. Yes it helped that I was busy for most of the 2 days - I am not sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself and eating. However, it was also easy to make a choice not to eat and not to eat the wrong things. Overall the choice is easy - you just need to be brave enough to make the decision and stick to it. I know there are going to be times that I won't be brave enough and I will revert to emotional eating and eating too much on the weekend however it is nice to break that cycle for the first time and then it will be easier to break it again the second, third, fourth time.
I guess what I am trying to say that it doesn't seem such a hard thing now that I have dealt with it. Makes me wonder why I thought it was so hard in the first place.
Onwards and downwards.
There seems to be a shift in my thinking of late. Things that I have been determined to do for years seem to be conquered - not easily - but conquered. The emotional eating was one and now having a bit of discipline over the week end. Last weekend (after saying no to emotional eating) I was determined that this would be the first weekend that I would not put on weight. I went to the gym on Saturday morning, planned what I was going to do for the rest of the day and also planned what I was going to eat. I knew I had a busy day out and about so I had a think about what I was going to eat. I planned in a treat for myself (a milkshake) and over the day I kept to that plan. On Saturday night I went out with a friend for dinner (that was not part of the plan) but kept to a stir fry and water. Sunday I planned the day again adding in another treat and went about the day.
Thus when I got onto the scales this morning I got a pleasant surprise - 1.5kg down. Very nice indeed!!! You know what - it was easier than I thought. Like the emotional eating thing on Friday night, it was a matter of making a choice and then sticking to it. Yes it helped that I was busy for most of the 2 days - I am not sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself and eating. However, it was also easy to make a choice not to eat and not to eat the wrong things. Overall the choice is easy - you just need to be brave enough to make the decision and stick to it. I know there are going to be times that I won't be brave enough and I will revert to emotional eating and eating too much on the weekend however it is nice to break that cycle for the first time and then it will be easier to break it again the second, third, fourth time.
I guess what I am trying to say that it doesn't seem such a hard thing now that I have dealt with it. Makes me wonder why I thought it was so hard in the first place.
Onwards and downwards.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Mountains become moldhills.
Emotional eating has always been a problem of mine - I eat when I am sad, when I am happy, when I am whatever emotion that happens to be the most intense at the time. It has been something that I have not been able to overcome under any circumstance - until today.
I am very proud of myself. I am very shocked at my actions but I am very proud of myself. Not something that I say on a regular basis. Not that I say ever actually.
Today I had a bit of an emotional time at work. Something happened that set me off - my emotions were pretty strong. All I wanted to do was eat - chips and chocolates were on the top of my agenda. I had to go to the shops to collect my new glasses so I thought that was a perfect opportunity to nick to the supermarket and grab something to eat. On the way home I was plotting what I was going to get, where I was going to get it and how much I could afford to spend on a Friday afternoon. Alcohol was also on the list - strongbow by the six pack. I was at a turn off where I could go straight ahead to the shops or right home (where there is no junk food). I was actually in the lane to go straight ahead but at the last minute I quickly indicated and went right and home. A small decision but with huge consequences. At home I had a decent dinner with only one glass of wine (the last of a bottle I started with a girlfriend the other day). I really feel like going out again to get some ice cream however am going to try to put that feeling down.
I know that I have not beaten the vicious circle of emotional eating. But perhaps I have taken a step in the right direction. Overall it was easy to turn off and make the correct decision with the emotional eating however the feeling of pride I think feels better than the small satisfaction I would have gotten out of those chips and chocolate. One step at a time this whole journey will be conquered.
Onwards and downwards.
I am very proud of myself. I am very shocked at my actions but I am very proud of myself. Not something that I say on a regular basis. Not that I say ever actually.
Today I had a bit of an emotional time at work. Something happened that set me off - my emotions were pretty strong. All I wanted to do was eat - chips and chocolates were on the top of my agenda. I had to go to the shops to collect my new glasses so I thought that was a perfect opportunity to nick to the supermarket and grab something to eat. On the way home I was plotting what I was going to get, where I was going to get it and how much I could afford to spend on a Friday afternoon. Alcohol was also on the list - strongbow by the six pack. I was at a turn off where I could go straight ahead to the shops or right home (where there is no junk food). I was actually in the lane to go straight ahead but at the last minute I quickly indicated and went right and home. A small decision but with huge consequences. At home I had a decent dinner with only one glass of wine (the last of a bottle I started with a girlfriend the other day). I really feel like going out again to get some ice cream however am going to try to put that feeling down.
I know that I have not beaten the vicious circle of emotional eating. But perhaps I have taken a step in the right direction. Overall it was easy to turn off and make the correct decision with the emotional eating however the feeling of pride I think feels better than the small satisfaction I would have gotten out of those chips and chocolate. One step at a time this whole journey will be conquered.
Onwards and downwards.
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